My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
