i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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