I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He better not be in your backpack
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
