My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
