Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
