Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
