I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
