I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
