one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
