The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
