"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize