So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
