You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
