So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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