Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
