things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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