We're facebook friends in real life
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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