Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
