i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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