its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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