Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
