I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
