I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
