i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
