After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
