so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
