i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize