I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Two words: blizzard sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
