There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
