Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
