Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
