all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did I show you my penis last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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