Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
