I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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