i always forget guys have bellybuttons
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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