ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
