I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
