Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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