We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and she was petting her beer can
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
