they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
