I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
