Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
