I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
