i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
handjob tips. give me some.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
