She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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