Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
