So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
