I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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