oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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