i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
