just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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