There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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