oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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