so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can't believe i had my finger in that
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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