so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
