I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
