You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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