Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
