We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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