No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
