He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
