it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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