I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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