i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love you. Go after that dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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