Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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