i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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