I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
