I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
