The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
