brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
