he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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