It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
