No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
