if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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