His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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