I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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