plz talk dirty to me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
