my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize